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So, I've been on the new meds for a few days now and the good news is that I've actually felt like I've had focus and energy! the bad news is that I 100% forgot to eat today, so. There is that.
Anyway, I don't want to jinx it, but I think I've come unstuck.
The newspaper FINALLY get me my proof of publication last Friday (three full weeks after it was published), and I dropped it off at the courthouse immediately, and now we're cooking with fire. I've gotten my certified copies, I've updated social security, I went to the DMV (god, I really, really hate Temporary IDs, like, I know this sheet of paper is just as valid as the slightly thicker plastic version, but. Oof.). I'm now waiting on my license to come in the mail, but this waiting feels more chill. Maybe because I'm done with the courthouse? I've moved on from the quest hub! I don't have to go back! Now I've got the fun, running around in the wilderness doing fetch quests portion of the quest line, and that, I can handle.
Also, the abovementioned new meds. (and wasn't getting them a treat? two pharmacies telling me they can't fill the prescription only to have both of them fill it and now have the Too Many Pills they were all worried about me having. I feel as if I've done something illicit. It's ridiculous.) It's only been three days, so I can't say with any certainty that they are Better or Worse, but I mean. Today was the first day in about three months where I didn't take a nap at dinnertime, or at least want to. So that's got to count for something. I'm feeling slightly more awake, and even if that's just the high of "oh my doctor listened" and isn't anything kicked in yet, I'll take it.
I painted for four hours straight and it was the first time in forever that I've felt the urge for creativity, the energy for it, and the focus to actually do it.
(Vanilla Bean is staring at me and wants to know why I am not providing a lap right now. She is glaring at me. It's adorable.)
I still haven't updated my resume, though--and I know me, so I'll be doing that on Tuesday afternoon, right before therapy. Deadlines and I have a tight relationship. But even if I haven't managed that, I've been managing other stuff. Painting, reading, getting stuff ready for vacation. And I finally splurged and bought myself an ipad, so I've been dicking around with Procreate, practicing drawing while lying around in bed (the perfect combo), and playing silly games that make me happy. Should I have spent almost 900$ yesterday? Probably not. But I realized the other day that literally the only thing I've bought with my inheritance was vacation, and it's ok to give myself nice things that are tangible and lasting, too. I am allowed objects as well as experiences. Especially when that object lets me draw while lying down.
It also helps that Lisa gave me "permission" to not do job hunting until we get back from vacation. Not that I needed it, but anxiety brain is stupid, so, I'm grateful that she did. I feel like I'm just now, just finally starting to get my feet back under me, and that's why I've been dragging them on the job front. I just don't want to yet. I finally have the energy to paint! I don't want to waste it looking for a job. So, I'm giving myself a little more time.
I still feel a little bit stuck, but it's definitely less than it was. on the upward swing, I hope. We'll see, but I've got fingers crossed.
Anyway, I don't want to jinx it, but I think I've come unstuck.
The newspaper FINALLY get me my proof of publication last Friday (three full weeks after it was published), and I dropped it off at the courthouse immediately, and now we're cooking with fire. I've gotten my certified copies, I've updated social security, I went to the DMV (god, I really, really hate Temporary IDs, like, I know this sheet of paper is just as valid as the slightly thicker plastic version, but. Oof.). I'm now waiting on my license to come in the mail, but this waiting feels more chill. Maybe because I'm done with the courthouse? I've moved on from the quest hub! I don't have to go back! Now I've got the fun, running around in the wilderness doing fetch quests portion of the quest line, and that, I can handle.
Also, the abovementioned new meds. (and wasn't getting them a treat? two pharmacies telling me they can't fill the prescription only to have both of them fill it and now have the Too Many Pills they were all worried about me having. I feel as if I've done something illicit. It's ridiculous.) It's only been three days, so I can't say with any certainty that they are Better or Worse, but I mean. Today was the first day in about three months where I didn't take a nap at dinnertime, or at least want to. So that's got to count for something. I'm feeling slightly more awake, and even if that's just the high of "oh my doctor listened" and isn't anything kicked in yet, I'll take it.
I painted for four hours straight and it was the first time in forever that I've felt the urge for creativity, the energy for it, and the focus to actually do it.
(Vanilla Bean is staring at me and wants to know why I am not providing a lap right now. She is glaring at me. It's adorable.)
I still haven't updated my resume, though--and I know me, so I'll be doing that on Tuesday afternoon, right before therapy. Deadlines and I have a tight relationship. But even if I haven't managed that, I've been managing other stuff. Painting, reading, getting stuff ready for vacation. And I finally splurged and bought myself an ipad, so I've been dicking around with Procreate, practicing drawing while lying around in bed (the perfect combo), and playing silly games that make me happy. Should I have spent almost 900$ yesterday? Probably not. But I realized the other day that literally the only thing I've bought with my inheritance was vacation, and it's ok to give myself nice things that are tangible and lasting, too. I am allowed objects as well as experiences. Especially when that object lets me draw while lying down.
It also helps that Lisa gave me "permission" to not do job hunting until we get back from vacation. Not that I needed it, but anxiety brain is stupid, so, I'm grateful that she did. I feel like I'm just now, just finally starting to get my feet back under me, and that's why I've been dragging them on the job front. I just don't want to yet. I finally have the energy to paint! I don't want to waste it looking for a job. So, I'm giving myself a little more time.
I still feel a little bit stuck, but it's definitely less than it was. on the upward swing, I hope. We'll see, but I've got fingers crossed.
