Time Isn't Real

Somehow it is already autumn, which is just mean, at this point. But that's ok.

So, fun facts, my decks are back to shouting at me with majors and I feel very called out, so thanks!! Pretty art nouveau deck that I bought for the gorgeous art, soft colors, and autumnal vibes!!!! Thanks!!!!!!!! I'm listening! I promise!

1. Reflection: Events currently influencing me the most - the Moon

I flipped this over and let out this noise that might have been laughter but might have also been the start of a crying jag. Yes: Anxiety has been influencing me the most. My anxiety, other people's anxiety. I am uncertain about a lot of everything right now. I feel very frozen right now, with a lot of indecision and fear holding me in place. A lot of anxiety about a lot of different things. (At least she's pretty.)

2. Pause: Where I can harvest comfort - Four of Pentacles

What a strange place for this card to turn up. This is the money card. I mean, a lot of Coin cards are money cards, but the Four has always felt like The Money Card to me. And yes, I do draw comfort from financial security. Maybe this is telling me to trust that instinct, to let some of my financial anxiety go? I know I'm more financially secure than I feel (I had a whole therapy session (with homework!!) about how I am more financially secure than I feel), so maybe this is a reminder of that?

3. Balance: How I can harvest balance & wellness - the Star

My favorite card in any deck. I've been struggling with hope recently. She wasn't actually the card that was next to be pulled in my deck; she fell out of the middle somewhere and just felt right. So here she is. I'm not sure how to listen to her right now, or how to find balance in hope. Nothing feels very hopeful right now. Hm.

4.Blessings: Something to be thankful for - Five of Swords

Ok, being thankful for conflict and discord seems very counterintuitive. I'm really not sure what to make of this or how to read it. (El, I welcome your thoughts.)

5. Community: Relationship that needs tending - the Wheel

What does it look like, to have a relationship with Change that needs tending? I mean, I suppose I'm afraid of change, in my core. I'm a creature of habit and routine. When things mess up my routine, I get anxious and weird. But I do acknowledge that sometimes you need a change more than anything. Maybe I need to be more comfortable with that. Accept it with more grace? Ugh, I don't want to. I think I know what this is about (Pl) and I don't want to. I want to be whiny and depressed about it, I want to be sad about it, and I really don't want it to change. I don't want the change. Ah. I see. Okay. Yes, I suppose that does need some tending.

6. Sensitivity: Where to harvest magic - the Hanged Man

Seriously, the majors are loud in this spread. And they're all next to each other. You'd think I hadn't shuffled, but I shuffled for a solid ten minutes before I felt brave enough to start pulling. Anyway--there is magic in new perspectives. And yes, there are a fair few things I could use some new perspectives on. Some things that, perhaps, I need to accept are changing, even if I don't want them to. It's hard to see magic in that, but... maybe I can find some.

7.Transition: Where I will see change this season - the Sun

(I admit, the diagonal here for Sun, Moon, Star is DEEPLY satisfying.) Honestly, I welcome a change to my energy and my confidence. I've been feeling so depressed lately, and so tired. Turning the Sun over always makes me smile--here's hoping she can bring me a few more smiles as the season runs on.

8. Mastery: Something I should focus on this season - Six of Swords

Passage and moving forward? Yeah. That feels real.

9. Abundance: Where I will prosper this season - King of Wands

Ironic, since I definitely don't have a clear vision of where I want to go, and I have no confidence that I am able to lead people there. Not sure what to make of this guy.