stardustbunny (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stardustbunnies) wrote2024-01-01 08:09 pm
stardustbunnies) wrote2024-01-01 08:09 pm
Entry tags:
2024: Spread of Hmm
Telling anyone about how I read tarot is a little bit like explaining to a frog how to breathe with lungs. It just...doesn't really work because I am incapable of putting words together to make it understandable to someone else. It's like trying to write a paper about poetry or describe why a Bernini statue makes me feel things. It's all about vibes, and they are inexplicable vibes.
Lisa has asked me if I use the cards for "actual divination"-- "Is it like...they tell you what's going to happen? Doesn't that get self-fulfilling?"
To which, I answered, "No, it's more about vibes to focus on." And couldn't really go deeper than that.
To me, the cards aren't telling me, "hey, here's the Ace of Swords, you will be struck by a sudden breakthrough in the coming month, keep at eye out for that!" It's more that they are... poking me in the right direction? Like a little guidepost saying, "ok, here's the Ace of Swords, if you want to focus on clarity this month, that might be a great place to start." Or, "here's the Tower; that doesn't necessarily mean there WILL be a disaster, but like...take a sec to think about what could be disastrous and what to do about it." They're not warnings or prophecies, they are nudges in directions that might help me better use my time. They help me take chaos brain and quiet it down a little. Give me something to focus on. But it's not always exactly what the card "means", sometimes, it's just... the vibe.
Like I said, explaining it is hard. It's a art form, and I'm still practicing it.
I love talking to El about tarot, though. She's got a ton more experience than I do, and has been pulling regularly a lot longer, so she's got her vibes down. And I think she's much better at interpreting what cards mean in context--I tend to focus on each one individually and pluck at their separate meanings like I'm tuning a lute. El's done with tuning; she just plays, and so she gets the whole song. Possibly this metaphor has gotten away from me, but whatever.
What I'm saying is that I love to poke at my initial vibes and gut feelings and then I like to send my spreads to El and hear what she thinks, because it's always helpful, even if I don't agree with it or it goes counter to my vibes. (She made me feel infinitely better about my January spread with one sentence.)
All that to say: hey El, when you read this, please feel free to weigh in. :D
.....
So, last year, I did a one-card-a-month spread that helped me kind of decide what to focus on for the year, and it worked fairly well, I think. Last year's overall theme was Abundance, and in hindsight, that feels correct. I had an abundance of time and love and space, an abundance of wealth and security, an abundance of emotions. And I used that abundance of time and security to really sit with the emotions and work a lot of stuff out. It's still in progress, of course, but there were some realizations last year that were very important to make, and I wouldn't have been able to make them without giving myself the space to explore them. I allowed myself to have an abundance--and it was extremely difficult at times, because I'm so used to having scarcity, and oftentimes I struggled with capitalism's desire for me to give up my abundance--but I let it happen, I took the time I needed, even when I felt I didn't deserve it, and it helped. It really did help. This year was a much needed rest from previous years.
And it is tempting to take this rest and say, "all right, done with that, time to dive back in!" It's very hard for me to turn off the part of my brain that's saying, "everyone else is working really hard, everyone else is miserable, you should be too," but I'm trying to turn that off. I'm trying to take things slowly, to hold on to the rest I granted myself and take that forward. To move forward with purpose. To do things deliberately and well instead of hurriedly and because I "should." I am trying to shed Should and go with the flow. Let my own vibes and flow guide me, instead of doing what I think others think I should be doing.
God, just writing that made my brain have a moment of, "ah yes, you selfish bitch." But it is NOT selfish to take care of myself. It's not.
Gotta keep saying that until I believe it.
.....
So, I picked flow for 2024's theme. It felt right. And when I pulled Death for both my January spread and my year-long theme, it felt even more correct. Transition. Transformation. Letting the river carry me to a new place. And ending, so that there can be a new beginning. I'll take it.
I used the faery deck for no reason other than it Felt Right. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
2024:
0. Center, focus: Death. Transition, transformation, the journey. This card has never scared me they way it does for some people; I never see it as an omen. (I reserve all my superstitious fear for the Tower.) So I'm kind of excited to see this in the center. Let's see where it takes me.
1. January: Ace of Swords. I pull this card surprisingly often, and it always seems to pop up when I most need it. I've felt a little muddled and stagnant for the end of the year, so here's hoping that some Clarity can spark up through January and shine some light.
2. February: Five of Wands. Obstacles and conflict. Hm. I mean, it is February, and February always sucks. But obstacles aren't always insurmountable.
3. March: Ten of Wands. Burdens and responsibility. This isn't super surprising, considering the whole bookstore plan, but I'm hoping to avoid the "overwhelming" part of this card.
4. April: Justice. Hm. I don't think I've ever pulled this major. It is not one of the cards that comes up regularly to yell at me. I honestly don't really know what to do with it.
5. May: Nine of Pentacles. I am genuinely surprised that this is the only Pentacle I pulled. I take the Self-Sufficiency card in the year of bookstore planning as a good omen, though.
6. June: the High Priestess. Also not a major I pull often, if ever. Honestly, this whole pull was full of stuff I don't normally pull and don't quite know what to make of. But I like the High Priestess. I like that she's about intuition and wisdom, especially when I am quite terrible at following my intuition and that's one of the things I'm trying to be better at this year.
7. July: Queen of Swords. Clarity, directness, honesty. She's the queen who has always felt the most distant to me, the one I never really connect with. The Queen of Pentacles is the me card, so this just feels deeply opposite. Who is she.
8. August: Three of Swords. Not gonna lie, I pulled this spread three times--the first time, all of my least favorite cards came up, and my hands started shaking, so I decided to shuffle again until I felt calmer and in a better headspace. But no matter what, the three of swords came up in the back half of the year. It doesn't scare me in the same way as the Tower does, but it definitely makes me feel some kind of way.
9. September: Two of Swords. Kind of wild to me how many swords I pulled? I do pull swords often, but it was strange to see 1, 2, and 3 all up at the same time. Anyway, I'm well-acquainted with the two; avoidance has been a historical problem of mine.
10. October: Nine of Cups. I like this card. He kind of looks like an Aragorn to me, and that's very satisfying. And I always love when the Contentment card comes up. Especially since Lisa and I are planning a trip for October that should make me very extremely content.
11. November: Knight of Cups. My favorite knight. He follows his heart, and that is what I want to try to be better at this year. Always a good vibe for the birthday month.
12. December: Judgement. And we round this out with yet another major I've almost never seen before. Hm.
Overall, just a lot of HMM. Not quite sure what to do with most of this, but I've decided to let it stand. Gonna sit with it and feel the vibes and see what happens. I have hopes for this year, but not too many expectations. I'm trying to keep everything easy-going, not put too much pressure on myself--go with the flow. Fingers crossed.
Lisa has asked me if I use the cards for "actual divination"-- "Is it like...they tell you what's going to happen? Doesn't that get self-fulfilling?"
To which, I answered, "No, it's more about vibes to focus on." And couldn't really go deeper than that.
To me, the cards aren't telling me, "hey, here's the Ace of Swords, you will be struck by a sudden breakthrough in the coming month, keep at eye out for that!" It's more that they are... poking me in the right direction? Like a little guidepost saying, "ok, here's the Ace of Swords, if you want to focus on clarity this month, that might be a great place to start." Or, "here's the Tower; that doesn't necessarily mean there WILL be a disaster, but like...take a sec to think about what could be disastrous and what to do about it." They're not warnings or prophecies, they are nudges in directions that might help me better use my time. They help me take chaos brain and quiet it down a little. Give me something to focus on. But it's not always exactly what the card "means", sometimes, it's just... the vibe.
Like I said, explaining it is hard. It's a art form, and I'm still practicing it.
I love talking to El about tarot, though. She's got a ton more experience than I do, and has been pulling regularly a lot longer, so she's got her vibes down. And I think she's much better at interpreting what cards mean in context--I tend to focus on each one individually and pluck at their separate meanings like I'm tuning a lute. El's done with tuning; she just plays, and so she gets the whole song. Possibly this metaphor has gotten away from me, but whatever.
What I'm saying is that I love to poke at my initial vibes and gut feelings and then I like to send my spreads to El and hear what she thinks, because it's always helpful, even if I don't agree with it or it goes counter to my vibes. (She made me feel infinitely better about my January spread with one sentence.)
All that to say: hey El, when you read this, please feel free to weigh in. :D
.....
So, last year, I did a one-card-a-month spread that helped me kind of decide what to focus on for the year, and it worked fairly well, I think. Last year's overall theme was Abundance, and in hindsight, that feels correct. I had an abundance of time and love and space, an abundance of wealth and security, an abundance of emotions. And I used that abundance of time and security to really sit with the emotions and work a lot of stuff out. It's still in progress, of course, but there were some realizations last year that were very important to make, and I wouldn't have been able to make them without giving myself the space to explore them. I allowed myself to have an abundance--and it was extremely difficult at times, because I'm so used to having scarcity, and oftentimes I struggled with capitalism's desire for me to give up my abundance--but I let it happen, I took the time I needed, even when I felt I didn't deserve it, and it helped. It really did help. This year was a much needed rest from previous years.
And it is tempting to take this rest and say, "all right, done with that, time to dive back in!" It's very hard for me to turn off the part of my brain that's saying, "everyone else is working really hard, everyone else is miserable, you should be too," but I'm trying to turn that off. I'm trying to take things slowly, to hold on to the rest I granted myself and take that forward. To move forward with purpose. To do things deliberately and well instead of hurriedly and because I "should." I am trying to shed Should and go with the flow. Let my own vibes and flow guide me, instead of doing what I think others think I should be doing.
God, just writing that made my brain have a moment of, "ah yes, you selfish bitch." But it is NOT selfish to take care of myself. It's not.
Gotta keep saying that until I believe it.
.....
So, I picked flow for 2024's theme. It felt right. And when I pulled Death for both my January spread and my year-long theme, it felt even more correct. Transition. Transformation. Letting the river carry me to a new place. And ending, so that there can be a new beginning. I'll take it.
I used the faery deck for no reason other than it Felt Right. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
2024:
0. Center, focus: Death. Transition, transformation, the journey. This card has never scared me they way it does for some people; I never see it as an omen. (I reserve all my superstitious fear for the Tower.) So I'm kind of excited to see this in the center. Let's see where it takes me.
1. January: Ace of Swords. I pull this card surprisingly often, and it always seems to pop up when I most need it. I've felt a little muddled and stagnant for the end of the year, so here's hoping that some Clarity can spark up through January and shine some light.
2. February: Five of Wands. Obstacles and conflict. Hm. I mean, it is February, and February always sucks. But obstacles aren't always insurmountable.
3. March: Ten of Wands. Burdens and responsibility. This isn't super surprising, considering the whole bookstore plan, but I'm hoping to avoid the "overwhelming" part of this card.
4. April: Justice. Hm. I don't think I've ever pulled this major. It is not one of the cards that comes up regularly to yell at me. I honestly don't really know what to do with it.
5. May: Nine of Pentacles. I am genuinely surprised that this is the only Pentacle I pulled. I take the Self-Sufficiency card in the year of bookstore planning as a good omen, though.
6. June: the High Priestess. Also not a major I pull often, if ever. Honestly, this whole pull was full of stuff I don't normally pull and don't quite know what to make of. But I like the High Priestess. I like that she's about intuition and wisdom, especially when I am quite terrible at following my intuition and that's one of the things I'm trying to be better at this year.
7. July: Queen of Swords. Clarity, directness, honesty. She's the queen who has always felt the most distant to me, the one I never really connect with. The Queen of Pentacles is the me card, so this just feels deeply opposite. Who is she.
8. August: Three of Swords. Not gonna lie, I pulled this spread three times--the first time, all of my least favorite cards came up, and my hands started shaking, so I decided to shuffle again until I felt calmer and in a better headspace. But no matter what, the three of swords came up in the back half of the year. It doesn't scare me in the same way as the Tower does, but it definitely makes me feel some kind of way.
9. September: Two of Swords. Kind of wild to me how many swords I pulled? I do pull swords often, but it was strange to see 1, 2, and 3 all up at the same time. Anyway, I'm well-acquainted with the two; avoidance has been a historical problem of mine.
10. October: Nine of Cups. I like this card. He kind of looks like an Aragorn to me, and that's very satisfying. And I always love when the Contentment card comes up. Especially since Lisa and I are planning a trip for October that should make me very extremely content.
11. November: Knight of Cups. My favorite knight. He follows his heart, and that is what I want to try to be better at this year. Always a good vibe for the birthday month.
12. December: Judgement. And we round this out with yet another major I've almost never seen before. Hm.
Overall, just a lot of HMM. Not quite sure what to do with most of this, but I've decided to let it stand. Gonna sit with it and feel the vibes and see what happens. I have hopes for this year, but not too many expectations. I'm trying to keep everything easy-going, not put too much pressure on myself--go with the flow. Fingers crossed.
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I'm excited about this spread, and the death card at the center. When I did my reading I was sort of hoping for precisely that, but I got something wildly different. There's a lot of practicality and steadiness in this spread, which isn't a bad thing. The biggest thing I notice is how it ebbs and flows between hurdles and resolutions. There's the burdens of things like the 10 of wands or the three of swords, preceded by cold swords, but they are eventually followed by those nines after a balancing card in between. Cyclical. I can't wait to see how this year shakes out!